This Is Why The Girl That’s Always Smiling Feels Miserable Inside

The girl that’s always smiling tries to make everyone else happy. When one of her friends is heartbroken, she’s the first one to give a pep talk. To remind her of how beautiful she is and how her ex is going to regret leaving her.

She’ll do whatever it takes — buy her friend food or watch Disney movies alongside her or go out drinking together — because she needs that friend to be happy again.

She loves when she can make someone laugh through their tears. When she can bring a little bit of hope into someone else’s life.

But she’s so busy worrying about everyone around her that she neglects her own life. She shoves her problems deep into her stomach so she can deal with everyone else’s issues. So she can be a good friend.

She feels like it’s rude to yammer on about her problems when she’s having a conversation with someone close to her. Like she has some sort of obligation to be the fun one. The happy one. The positive one.

She hides how she feels — even from the people that pull her aside and ask her how she’s doing. From the friends that honestly want to know what’s going on in her life.
She doesn’t want to bother them. She doesn’t want to weigh them down with her misery. So she claims that she’s fine. She tells them funny stories about her week and leaves out the devastating ones. She edits her life to make it look perfect.

And, on the rare occasions that she actually opens up about her problems, she makes them sound like a joke. I’m flunking my math class haha I’ve barely been getting any sleep haha I think my boss is going to fire me LMAO. 
She acts like she has no worries, so no one worries about her.
She’s a master at pretending. But she’s secretly miserable. She’s lost. She’s afraid.

She wishes that someone would see past her white toothed smile and into her shattered soul. But no one does. No one ever does.

Everyone assumes that depression is hidden beneath black clothes and gothic haircuts. They think that unhappiness is obvious. That they would know if someone they loved was struggling.
They don’t realize that the girls with the widest smiles have the deepest cracks in their hearts.

They don’t realize that you’re trying so hard to make everyone else happy, because you know what it feels like to be miserable, and you don’t think anyone deserves to feel that way.

They don’t realize that you need them. That you want them to be there for you in the same way you’ve always been there for them.

They don’t realize that you’re smiling on the outside and screaming on the inside. 

And they have no idea how strong you are. How much courage it takes for you to keep going — with a smile on your face and laughter on your lips.

You make living look easy. And you don’t get enough credit for that.


Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 

Growing up in such a tropical place with the sun rays up to 40 deg C every day is really exhausting. Who never loves changes?
 Every winter is really important to me.When a European friend asked me why I’m into snow? Winter? I simply answered them because I like it. But behind that ( I really don’t know how long will I stay and be able to see and enjoy the winter time) That’s why I’m enjoying every snowflakes that drops from the sky. 

It’s cold literally but there’s no reason to stay indoors.

It beautifies everything that covers 

Just get up right and and make the most of the fresh of the white season. 

It’s not really a good winter this year. A day full blast of snow and its melting on the next day .but hey! at least there’s always a thing that we’re looking forward to . The changes of the season . Like Passenger song lyrics said “Only miss the sun when it starts to snow” Only you’ll miss the thing when it’s not there anymore.Like us, we are taking things for granted most of the time. And when it’s gone it’s gone 😂 you’ll never know how important it is until it’s gone (again)😂😅What’s the connection anyways? Haha😁 

Looking forward for the spring season! 🌸 What are you looking forward to? 

Read this if boys keep taking advantage of your kindness 

There’s something to be said about a man’s back pocket and what he keeps in it. Usually it’s his wallet or phone, but more often than not, it’s where he keeps things until its use is absolutely necessary. He does this so often that you don’t realize that, like his phone or wallet, you’ve somehow ended up being stuffed inside and treated the same way — like an object.

It’s hard to understand how this could be a bad thing. What’s wrong with being needed and helping him? What’s wrong with dropping your plans to fit him into your schedule?

But you know, deep in your gut and in the very back of your mind, that he’s only using you.

The worst part is that you know it and you’re helpless to do anything to fix the situation. While it makes you happy to have him look at you like you’re then best thing he’s ever seen, or call you up in the middle of the day to ask you for something, you know it’s wrong to jump at the opportunity to make him happy.

Then one day, he meets someone new.
Suddenly, he doesn’t call you as much as he used to. He doesn’t ask you to help him, to run errands with him, to hang out with him when he doesn’t have anything better to do.

Weeks will go by, and you’ll call him, because you miss spending time with him and being his girl on Friday, but his phone goes straight to voicemail, and your texts are unanswered.

You’ll wonder what it is you’ve done to deserve being treated like a stranger when you were so close just a moment before. You’ll stress yourself out and try not to cry and break down, because you feel like you’ve lost someone, and you suck it up and do your best to get over it and move on.

Then he calls you.

His name lights up your phone’s screen and you think about letting it go to voicemail, but you answer. He tells you how busy he’s been, how he’s met someone new. He’ll joke with you, and say he’s sorry, even though you know in your heart that he doesn’t mean it. And the worst part is that you forgive him and fall back into the same pattern all over again.

He keeps you in his back pocket, because just like his debit card, he knows where you are and how to use you when absolutely necessary.

He takes advantage of your kindness and of your relationship, because he knows how to play you. He knows you’ll forgive him and he’ll tuck you away until you’re convenient again.

Each time the cut gets a little deeper than the last and you’ll wonder how much longer he’ll keep hurting you, making you doubt your self-worth, making you pretend that everything is okay when you feel like you’re bleeding out.
In one crystallizing moment, you’ll finally understand that he’ll never change. He’ll never stop using you.
It’s hard to let him go. It seems almost impossible, but the day you realize that you’re tired of being his designated fluffer is the day he loses a valuable and loving person in his life.

You’ll stop answering his calls and focus on helping yourself. You’ll stop replying to his texts and Facebook messages and start doing things that make you happy. You’ll stop putting his needs before your own.

Slowly but surely, you’ll start to find yourself again, and not the version you were when you were under his spell, but the authentically benevolent being you always were.

You’ll rediscover your passions and goals and do things you never got the chance to do, because you were always concerned about his needs and wants. You’ll meet people who genuinely appreciate you and your kindness and warmth, who don’t take advantage of you or make you question where you stand in their lives.
You’ll meet a guy who looks at you like you’ve hung the heavens, and you’ll give him the time and energy you used to waste on a man-child who took you for granted.

And one day, you will look back upon the days when you were heartbroken over the man who never put you first, and realize that the thing about back pockets is that sometimes, if you’re not careful, something important will fall out.

Road less travelled 🚲

After a couple of days of shitty,snowy, rainy,grey and windy weather. Finally, the sun has come.Blue sky, featherly clouds and some sun rays aside from the temperature of -2 to -3 degrees around. 

It’s quite cold actually but cozy ☀️ Thanks to Mr.Sun for showing up and brighten our day from the dark days. 
So, we went biking around the area and take a walk and checking a new route into the woods and (get lost)  Me and my best friend have this kind of routine every weekend that we’re taking our Ferraris (bicycle) and bike as much as we can and check some nice places around the area. (If the weather is good and we’re lucky today) 🤣
We went to the golf course. That’s our first time. And unfortunately there’s quite some snow along the road and very glassy so I fell on my bicycle but of course I was hurt and start complaining about my legs but it doesn’t stop us from biking. Like my host mom said only Filipino can do stupid things. (It started when we went to a sauna place in the middle of the sea while it had a snowstorm that time, big waves and we can really feel the whole place moving into the waves.So, I told my host mom about it and she said “We’re stupid” and I just told her. No one died and we’re enjoying it.Like living life (our au pair life haha) She was just worried about us(of course) And I think she has the right to do so. 

From the golf course we entered into the forest.A forest full of gigantic pine trees. A reserved forest (kind of) where there are tracks for horses and dogs to run around. 

And of course the hightlight of the trip (chasing the sunset) It’s so nice to do things with someone who’s perception and views about life and things is the same as I do. No more arguments. It’s like your eyes will do all the talk and one of you will lead the way and then you’ll do things spontaneously. 

So what did you up today? Hope you had a great Sunday ☀️

Tiny walk 💫

It’s still winter and chilly everywhere. Well, I can’t wait until the summer comes.
You know when you get bored staying home and even though it’s freaking cold outside but you need to get your ass up and walk, chill around. Coz every holiday break counts.Hahaha! 

I’m very obsessed with the pink sky . Not just the pink sky. The nature itself. And since I’m in a lil bit north of Stockholm I’m expecting some snow and mountains and a magnificent sky views.But, unfortunately there was really nothing like in Norway. 🙄 Well, I’m just missing Norway a lot (for real) but I’m pretty sure every places has a special highlights and it’s really depends on how you look into it. 

So during my Christmas break from the au pair world. I stayed in my cousins place called Strängnäs. It’s village kind of city with small shops and small thingy around. But having the best cathedral I’ve ever visited. Coming here for like 2-3 times within a year is like coming home in the Philippines. It reminds me of place I left. Quiet, nice neighborhood and happy people around. 

So walking around and check the same spot and trail I’ll always been to. Nothing really change. 

But nature is not a just place to visit. It’s like home. You really feel connected to it everytime. 

A Glimpse of Stockholm 

I visited Stockholm twice to three times a year since I moved as an au pair in Europe. Aside from my  host country, I call it “home”.My cousin lives here and I spend my au pair break here most of the time . Like summer break, winter break and any semester(break)  that au pair scheme can au pair.

 What’s make me excite about this city is the Main Street where people are running and rushing for shopping. As I told my cousin. It’s like Tokyo(but I never been to Tokyo my entire life) but it’s crowded unlike any other Scandinavian cities I’ve been. Gigantic haha Swedes are everywhere( I thought Dutchies were the tallest European creatures on earth but I doubt it now) haha. No wonder some of the famous affordable clothing lines and designers are from this place. And beautiful men and women too. 

Stockholm has many beautiful churches spread throughout the city.And one of my favorite is the main church, and one of the most historical, is Storkyrkan (“the great church”). As a fantasy/legend lover I found it very interesting the story behind it. Like St.George and the Dragon . 

One of the main attractions in the church is the wooden statue of St George slaying the dragon. From the late 1400’s, it commemorates the Battle of Brunkeberg when Sweden (St George) defeated the invading Danes (the dragon).

Most of the tourist attractions were adjacent to each other.Walking from the Main Street going to the seaside then you will be welcomed by the Parliament building. 

As you walk in to the parliament then you’ll see the Royal Palace where in the Royal family lives. 

I think it’s the most visited area within this place. The OLD TOWN (GAMLA STAN) and one of my favorite too. 

Small stores, pubs, and restaurants were around the area. The narrow line which is connected to every street is so amazing.  Th creepy building /apartment that reminds me of a German horror movie . Hahahha 😬 but a beautiful/historic place indeed. 

Happy holidays from the Paris of the North 🌟