Sometimes I feel like I’m in the wrong place or perhaps in the wrong time. I have a lot of thoughts crushing into my mind all the time. Or am I still longing for my European environment, style or way of life? I asked myself sometimes,Is it the right thing to do?Or Am I just like having some cultural shock?
It’s been over three months now since I’m back in the Philippines. The things I used to do and environment I’m in before is not the same environment now.Everything is not just right to me. I still remember how okay I am with things. I don’t complain too much. I feel everything is perfect and it’s okay. Like seriously? Everything is okay. I think it’s really true as what they have said that “you’re not the same person when you’re back” you are still you in your body but you think differently. Your perception about life before has changed .It’s so hard to adopt and think about it that “hey! I’m back but it seems everything change or it’s just me”. While others (friends and family) will misinterpret everything you do, your actions, and how you deal with things.
I wish I could just ignore everything and go as it is. But you know? You also need to talk and express how you feel without hurting or offending anyone.
There’s traffic when I left. But now it annoys me even more. Walking into the pedestrian lane and the cars still passing even though you’re half way on it really irritates me. I almost point my middle finger to the driver and look them on the eyes. “Like hey! It’s pedestrian lane.Can I pass first?”. Really? I’m really having a hard time on it. I still remember how fast I am before try to compete with all those vehicles passing and just ran off. Am I being so hard? Or I guess I was just being away too long that the things I used to handle very well is not my good part anymore. Or I am just getting old. 😂
Well, I guess I have to deal it again with more patience, deep breathes and sheeps counting 😅.And crossing fingers that I will be able to handle it with calmness and smile.